Sorrow, Sorrow Stay
by FangirlingTooHard
Summary: Nico hates sleep. His nightmares are worse than a normal demigod. But what really kills him are the good dreams, the dreams that trick him into thinking that everything can work out between him and a certain other demigod. And sometimes it becomes hard to see through to what's real and what's a dream... One-sided Perico. House of Hades Spoilers. T for angst. Cover by Viria
1. Chapter 1

**Hi. Nothing to say besides this story was painful to write.**

**Poor Nico, us fangirls feel you pain. Literally. And it's probably intensified.  
**

**Disclaimer: We own nothing besides our pain that was induced on ourselves writing this story, _all of these amazing characters belong to Rick Riordan_. We simply took the opportunity to destroy our souls writing this.  
**

* * *

Blue. Nico hated it.

It was the color of blueberries. He hated them.

And Skittles. He hated those too.

It was also Percy Jackson's favorite color. Because of him, anything blue made Nico want to barf.

Stupid, stupid, stupid blue.

And green. Green was the color of his eyes.

Stupid, stupid, stupid green.

The Skittles logo was Taste the Rainbow. If the rainbow tasted like pain, bitterness and sorrow, then Nico was off to a great start. Especially if the rainbow didn't have blue or green.

The wind whipped through his jacket and chilled him to his bones. Nico pictures himself as a skeleton sitting up here in the rigging with a deathly grin plastered on his face. Because that is all he is. A skeleton. An empty shell. Something that stayed the same, day in and day out, there was no change for him. Only pain and bitterness and sorrow, over and over and over.

Nico tapped his skull ring on the secret latch. The top opened up, revealing a picture of Percy laughing, the sea in the background and the wind tousling his dark hair. The picture was more than a year old and slightly faded from all of the wear and tear it'd received from his continuous journeys to the Underworld. Nico ran a finger along the outside rim of the ring. It was a secret he'd kept for so long. Everyone else thought that the ring was part of his macabre fashion sense, but really it was part of his lonely secret.

His secret. It had become who he was; he wasn't anybody now, just a person who lives in fear of his secret being revealed. And that fear had caused him to bury it deep beneath layers of lies and bitterness, pushing away anybody who tried to break through. So now he wasn't sure if he was a person any more, or if he had suffocated during all that time he had been locked away, to barely live as an empty shell, only just there.

Then there had been Cupid. He'd peeled back the layers to show that there was nothing in Nico's center, just a dead heart filled with denial and self pity and sorrow. That's all he was, a dead heart that had given up on living again. And Jason had seen it all.

After that Nico knew he was done. Someone like him would only taint the still-beating hearts. Better by far to leave and let them forget him. They would heal; that's what live hearts do. They move on if they're hurt, and don't spend years remembering without healing. But he had, and would. A dead heart, with no more love to give.

Nico sharply twisted the lid back in place. He was leaving soon. Jason would try to stop him, but Nico was ready. His only fear was Piper's charmspeak. She would surely find the chink in his armour: he didn't really want to go. A dead heart can still long for love and hope, even if it can't feel them any more. It remembers, and longs, and tears itself to pieces.

Percy. He has such a beautiful heart. It has so much love and light to keep it alive and beating for a long time. He would be fine.

They all would. No one needed Nico di Angelo, the angel with a dead heart.

There was one person Nico felt a part himself revive for, and this memory of life was so achingly familiar that Nico would miss it. And that person was definitely not Percy Jackson. All that demigod did was drive the blade in deeper into his soul, if he still had one.

No, the person was Hazel Levesque. His sister. She was not Bianca, but she was still his sister, still looking out for him.

But she'd be okay. Frank and the others were there for her. They'd all forget soon enough.

Soon, he'd be just a memory, like the lost souls drifting through the Fields of Asphodel. The Ghost King indeed.

* * *

"What do you think of me, Father?" Nico asked out loud. "Are you proud of me? Disgusted?" He laughed a bitter laugh. "You knew all along, didn't you? And I thought I was hiding it so well. I used to fantasize that you'd understand, the outcast of the gods. Wasn't I a ignorant child?"

Nico could feel the tears coming, could feel them pushing against the layers he'd built. No, he would not cry. With effort he pushed them back down.

"You okay?"

Nico jerked, twisting around awkwardly on his perch. "Go away," he snarled.

Jason hovered next to Nico, arms outstretched like he was trying to balance on a tightrope. "I just wanted to see how you're doing," he said innocently.

"Yeah, I'm great. Go away."

Jason looked hurt, and Nico felt like he'd just kicked a puppy. Why was this idiot so persistent? Only pain could come from associating with the Ghost King.

Jason settled next to him on the rigging, annoyingly close. Nico turned his full-force glare on the blond demigod. He could see that Jason was scared of him, it showed in his eyes, but for some reason he kept talking to Nico, trying to convince him that he actually had friends who would support him. Didn't he know that he had a dead heart and it only drove everyone away?

"You should talk to him, you know," said Jason unexpectedly.

Nico shot him an incredulous look.

"Percy," Jason clarified, as if he thought Nico hadn't known immediately who he was talking about.

"When satyrs fly," muttered Nico.

"Really, I think it'll help," said Jason.

"What would I say? 'Hi, I'm in love with you, bye!' Yeah, that'd go over well." Nico punched the mast.

Jason put his hand on Nico's arm. At that simple touch, the Ghost King recoiled.

"I told you before and I'm telling you again: Don't Touch Me," He said, Jason brushed off the comment, but didn't make a move to touch him again.

"You really should tell him, not necessarily like that, but maybe just a mention of how... You like him..? Or liked him, past tense," Jason said, looking as if he thought Nico needed a hug. Nico could feel him add onto 'past tense' _Even if it is a lie._

"Like that's going to help. He's already head-over-heels in love with Annabeth! There is nothing I can do about it. I will just have to move on!" Nico shouted, though only loud enough for Jason to hear. He quietly added on to himself, "What am I supposed to do?"

"Well, maybe you can move on. But Percy deserves to know," Jason tried to reassure Nico.

"Nobody should know. Nobody deserves a look inside of me. I don't want to make more people feel pain for me, it' my burden and mine alone," And with that, Nico reached out to the darkness drifting across the mast and shadow travelled into his room, leaving Jason alone to ponder what just happened and maybe how he could help Nico.

* * *

Nico's reaction to nightmares were different than everybody else's. Instead of thrashing and screaming, his body just shut down. He couldn't move, he couldn't scream. He couldn't even wake. Nobody knew of the demons tormenting Nico in his sleep, because he was incapable of showing it. Ever since admitting his crush aloud, his nightmares didn't vary. They were one of two things.

_Tonight, it was a brutally nightmarish scene, but at first glance, it didn't seem that way. A soft breeze rustled the leaves of the trees along the shore. Other than that and the soft sound of waves crashing upon the shore, it was silent. With a flourish, a new wave broke on the sand. Oh, how Nico completely loved yet completely despised that sound._

_Nico could feel the wind, it blew right through him as if he was nothing, which he was. Looking out, the ocean was grey, nearing black, like someone had drained all the color from it and all that was left was a bleak nothingness. However, the sand and the trees were bright, painfully bright._

_A new wave swept a drowned boy onto land. Nico already knew who it was. The person who never left his mind, whether conscious or sleeping. The drowned person on the beach was Percy Jackson._

_Even though he knew this would happen, the sight of Percy Jackson laying, drowned, on the beach brought back those tears. He slowly walked down the sandy shore, shock from seeing Percy drowned. He couldn't drown. Even if these dreams had plagued him from the time he admitted his feeling for Percy to now, the initial shock was always the same._

_He slowly picked up the lifeless body and brought him back to the shore, where Annabeth and Hazel were waiting. They weren't there before._

_"Percy?" Dream Annabeth asked. Nico could only shake his head in sorrow, placing the body onto the sand._

_"No... No," Annabeth moaned, cupping Percy's lifeless face._

_"Nico, it's okay," Dream Hazel attempted to reassure him, assuming his pain came from the loss of a brother._

_"No, it's not," Nico replied._

_Then, Percy's eyes had flown open and his breathing grew ragged. With a final breath he whispered, his passion let out solely by uttering only one word, one name. And it wasn't Annabeth, in his dreams, it never was._

_"Nico,"_

_Oh, how he wished Percy would utter his name like that in his waking hours. But it would never happen. The only person's name he said with that much tenderness in real life, was Annabeth, not Nico._

_But before he could move, Percy was already dying again. And then he was gone. The light in his eyes forever put out. Nico simply let the tears flow, because nobody could see him._

Night was the only time for him to cry, because nobody could see him. Not like they normally saw him. Normally, they barely even noticed he existed. Not that he helped, really, he just kept to himself so nobody had to see that he was barely even alive. So they didn't see he was only the husk of a person that housed a dead heart.

* * *

Morning came with swollen eyes and a terrible mood. The other passengers on the Argo II knew to stay out of his way, though the reasons for his anger where unknown.

Breakfast was an awkward affair, with mostly Leo chattering away and everyone else offering noncommittal grunts. Percy had taken the night shift of guarding, just in case, and was now asleep in his cabin. Jason had tried to subtly pair Nico and Percy together on the shift, but Nico had stopped him with a glare. Instead Hazel had volunteered. She was trying to keep awake but her head kept drooping until finally Nico told her to go to sleep. She happily agreed and stumbled off to bed.

Nico glowered at his empty plate. Leo was annoying and, with Hazel gone, everyone else ignored him. What was the point?

He stood up and stormed out of the room, blindly turning a few corners until he found an empty hallway. Leaning against the wall, he closed his eyes. He almost wished he was back in his dream, where he at least knew he would wake up. Here he was stuck.

His dream. Nico could practically smell the sea, hear the waves again... A tear leaked from his closed eyelids as he remembered Percy's voice saying his name.

"Nico?"

Nico's eyes snapped open. Percy Jackson was standing in front of him, his hair dishevelled from his nap.

"What," He grumbled, sending a glare at him to hide the blush trying to creep its way on to his face.

"Um... Nothing, its just... Are you okay?" Percy asked, concerned, trying to look into Nico's eyes. That didn't help his fight against the blush. Percy Jackson just _had_ to walk in on Nico while he was thinking about him.

"Yes. Of course. I'm fine," He spat his words out harshly, to hide the lies. So many lies he has told, especially to the one he most cares for.

"Okay," Percy replied, skeptical. How could he see through these lies, yet be completely oblivious to Nico's feelings?

Silently, they crossed paths, Percy heading toward the Mess Hall, Nico to his room. The only safe place left now that Jason continued to pester him about his feelings. He wasn't even supposed to know. That secret was to remain buried, so deep even he was to forget about it. But it never happens that way, at least one person had to know. The Fates did not favor him and they never will.

Failing to lock the door behind him, he pulled off his shoes and fell on to the bed, simply unable to live for the rest of the day, He felt like he was drowning in an ocean of his own sorrow. Sorrow, sorrow stay. His pain and bitterness filtered into his dream, yet another nightmare to torture him.

* * *

**Ouch. Did we mention how painful this was to write?**

**Constructive Criticism... While we go cry in a corner because Nico is our precious darling babykins and it hurts to see him hurt.**


	2. Chapter 2

To the guest reviewer who listed the different types of endings...** Sorry, this story won't have a happy one...**

**Sorry this took so long, it's just... **Well...** It's _hard_ to write!** It hurts...

**Disclaimer: Nope, we don't own PJO, we aren't the evil maniac who completely broke our hearts... Oh sorry, not evil maniac, _Rick Riordan._**

* * *

Nico was standing on the deck of the Argo II, rain pelting his face and bathing him in cold. Shivering, he stuck his hands into his pockets.

"Are you cold?" Someone whispered in ear, warm arms wrapping around him. Nico sighed and melted into Percy's embrace. How many times had he wished for this to really happen? Hundreds? Thousands?

"Not anymore," he whispered back, tears pricking his eyes at the impossibility of the moment.

"What's wrong, Nico?" Dream-Percy asked, turning Nico so he faced him. How similar this was to the conversation he had earlier? Very. More tears.

"Nothing... I guess," Nico replied, forcing back the tears.

"Really, what's wrong?" Percy asked, giving Nico a peck on the forehead.

"This isn't real." Nico closed his eyes.

"Come on, of course it's real." Dream-Percy leaned in and kissed him, but Nico gently pushed him away.

"I can't do this." He turned and fled down the stairs into the lower deck. He sprinted down two hallways and flung open the door to his room. Collapsing into his bed, he groaned and closed his eyes.

A knock on the door jolted him to his feet. "Who is it?" he snarled.

"Percy," said the voice. "Can I come in?"

Nico's tempted to say no, but this is a dream, so what the heck. "Sure."

Percy pushed open the door. "Hey, I just wanted to know how you're doing. You seem kind of down."

Nico rolled his eyes. "Nice observation."

Percy took a deep breath. "No, really. Are you-"

Nico kissed him. He didn't mean to, it just sort of happened. Percy tasted like sea salt and sugar. Happiness and warmth. Like everything Nico wasn't.

The other boy stiffened in surprise and Nico jerked back.

_It's just a dream, just a dream-_

"Nico, what the _Hades_?"

It's not a dream.

"Oh Gods! I hate you!" He screamed in Percy's face, shoving him, then immediately shadow travelling away to the nearest location he can think of. The mast.

_Well, it's out now. _Nico thought, wrapping himself in shadows so he is barely visible. He can think of so many ways it would hurt less. Dying would hurt less. Reliving Tartarus would hurt less. _Anything _would hurt less than this. _What. The. Hades. Did. He. Just. Do? _

He imagined himself jumping. Falling into the ocean. Drowning. But _it_ would still be there. His memories. Being a child of Hades meant he would remember, unless his chose to be reborn. But would he even make it to Elysium? Probably not.

Nico allowed himself to let one tear escape, but then suddenly he was sobbing his dead heart out. How could he have let himself crush everything like this?

His fantasies, his love, had ruined his life.

He could never see Percy again. He had known he was going to leave, and so why not now? He reached out to the shadows, preparing to travel far away.

Nico stopped, trembling. Gods of Olympus, why was it so _hard_? Why couldn't he leave this ship?

There was nothing left here for him. He let out another sob.

No dreams left, no joy, no rage, no greed, just emptiness.

Just love.

And that's why he couldn't leave. Love meant hope, and hope is the most dangerous emotion of all.

Nico was empty and hope kept him that way. There was always a 'what if' that dug its way inside and kept him close to Percy, the way a plant can't help growing toward the sun.

"Curse you, Jackson!" he whispered into the night wind.

"Has anyone seen Nico?" Someone called from below, possibly Jason. As if he really cared.

"Check the mast," Another voice replied, Percy. Jason was helping Percy look for Nico.

"Can do!" A voice that was probably Jason's replied. He heard the son of Jupiter take off and fly up next to the mast. Seeing as he was still wrapped in shadows, he was practically invisible.

"He's not there," Jason called, flying back down.

"We'll check somewhere else now, I guess," Percy said, slowly losing volume as he went down the stairs.

"Let me just check around up here again," Jason yelled back to Percy, flying back up to the top of the mast after Percy is downstairs.

"What did you do, Nico?" Jason said to Nico. So his invisibility was not as good as he thought.

"I don't want to talk about it," Nico spat, releasing his shadow cover.

"Nico, really. Don't keep your emotions inside. Percy seems really worried," Jason said, sitting next to Nico on the mast.

"Didn't he tell you?" Nico asked, evading the question.

"No. That's why I'm asking you," Jason replied, looking at Nico as if to comfort him. It won't help. The Ghost King was already broken, there was nothing Jason or anybody else could do to help. After what he's done, there was no going back.

"I... I kinda... Maybe... Okay, I just kissed Percy," Nico whispered, eyes glaring at his hands, as if he were to kill himself with a glare. Dying _would _hurt less now, he reached out his hand, preparing to...

"What?!" Jason practically shouted, jerking Nico out of his path to death.

"So much for being supportive," Nico grumbled, very hurt.

"Sorry Nico, it's just... Why?" Jason asked, still slightly shocked.

"I just thought it was a dream. The chain of events worked so perfectly that it felt as if I were still asleep," Nico admitted, hanging his head in defeat.

"Oo-ooh! So you dream about Percy," Jason mocks with a teasing _overprotective brother _attitude.

"Not. Helping," Nico stated, punctuating each word with venom.

"Sorry," Jason apologized, "How are you, now?"

"Fine. At least, I will be, once I leave this place forever," Nico stated, not caring if he was telling Jason what he was going to do. As if he could keep him from leaving. He would argue and disagree, but he would not force Nico to stay against his will.

"Why would you do that to Percy?" Jason asked softly.

Nico swivelled to glare at him. "He'd be glad I was finally gone. I'm just a traitor and liability."

"Don't sell yourself short," Jason said. "You're his friend. How do you think I would feel if Leo left?"

"Leo didn't just _kiss_ you." Nico went back to glaring at his hands.

"True..." Jason mused, "But it's really not that different... You have friends, you know. I don't want you to go, Hazel doesn't want you to go, Reyna seems to not hate you after your trip..."

_Oh gods, Reyna. The only person smart enough to figure out his crush... _Nico thought, hopefully Reyna wouldn't tell anybody, she promised not to.

"... And I'm pretty sure Percy and Annabeth don't hate you, even if you... Did that..." Jason finished.

"Everybody is going to know now! Everybody is going to think of me different. There's no use if everybody can see inside. There is no use for me..." Nico said, his words trailed off. His hand was inching closer and closer to the shadows, to Nico's death. "I just can't... Anymore..."

"Stay here Nico," Jason commanded, stepping off the mast and catching the winds just before he hit the ground. Nico watched until Jason was out of sight. Slowly, his hand inched toward the shadows again. The shadows, they were so much more welcoming then the Argo II, because wherever the shadows took him, there would be no Percy. No Percy to make him hurt anymore. Nobody that made him want to die.

A murmur of voices drifted up from the stairwell. Jason brought Percy. He was probably going to make them _talk. _ Nico was not going to do that. His hand lashed out towards the shadows that skirted the pool of light he was sitting in. But before he could touch the shadows and leave forever, Jason was up, grabbing Nico by the arm and flying him back to the ground.

"Talk," Jason commanded, setting Nico down across from Percy. Nico glared, at Jason, as if to say _make me._

"Don't you look at me like that, Nico," Jason said. Percy had remained oddly silent for the duration of their conversation.

"So... Nico... What was _that _for?" Percy asked awkwardly, emphasizing _that _so it could hold only one meaning. The kiss.

"I. Don't. Want. To. Talk. About. It," Nico said, punctuating each word as if he were stabbing himself repeatedly in his dead heart. His hands fingered the hilt of his sword, contemplating it.

"You talked with Jason about it," Percy said, completely unabashed.

"It's because he knows things," Nico said, with an air that was meant to say _things that nobody should know._

"Tell him, Nico," Jason pestered, his tone implied _tell him or I'll tell him for you._

"Fine! Just promise not to tell anybody. It's just... I like you, Percy," Nico said, just trying to get things over with. Yet the shadows visibly darkened around Nico, sucking in the light and warmth and happiness. They surrounded Nico, as if they were hesitating, waiting for the command to kill. The command to end it for Nico so his pain would leave.

"Uh, yeah, we're friends..." Percy said, then, the realization of Nico's words hit him, hard. "Oh,"

"Yes," Nico stated, preparing to shadow-travel.

"Nico, wait," Percy said.

"What?" Nico hissed, the shadows receding.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Percy asked. Nico looked around and saw that Jason had discretely left them. _Great._

"Not tell anyone and let me leave," Nico stated.

"Don't leave," Percy said.

"As if anyone will miss me, you all have someone. You and Annabeth. Jason and Piper. Frank and Hazel. Leo has Festus and a whole ship to look after and Calypso to think about. Reyna can get along just fine," Nico said.

"We will miss you Nico. You have friends," Percy replied.

"But do you ever talk to me? No. The only person who will engage in any form of social interaction with me is Reyna. She's the only one who knows how it feels to be me," Nico replied, Percy's face fell at the mention of nobody truly caring for him. Possibly thinking about another person he failed.

"How does it feel to be you?" Percy asked.

"It doesn't. There are no feelings. Except pain and bitter memories," Nico replied and immediately shadow travelling to his room. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't leave. It was as if the only shard of hope left was conspiring against him, keeping him from leaving. That shard, the smallest fragment of hope would be the end of him. Nico was sure of it.

* * *

**We can't even think of an ending for this that won't break all our fragile little souls. All it is going to be is pain and sorrow.**

**Constructive Criticism while we do something to function properly again.**


End file.
